18/04/2026
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Session opens with Squelch stirring awake onboard the spelljammer, the Second Wind; he feels very tired, can smell a strange sulfurous scent and hears gunfire in the distance. He walks onto the deck, crew are scrambling around attending to their duties and he can see a rope ladder hanging over the side of the ship. Looking down, he can see dense jungle and figures running through it, shooting and lobbing the occasional fireball.
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Below, on the jungle covered surface of the moon Arun, the party’s away team (Autismus, Bubba, Crux, Joffrey), as well as Blastemoff, have just been surprise attacked by two Bulettes that have emerged from the ground and combat begins.
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One of the Bulettes attempts to jump on Bubba, and he avoids being knocked down, but takes some damage. The other attempts to jump onto Autismus and Joffrey; Joffrey dives out of the way and takes some damage, but Autismus is flattened by it and takes a lot of damage.
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Joffrey tries a thunderwave, but these things seem to have a lot of CON and easily resist most of the damage, they seem quite dangerous.
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Bubba escapes and is able to grapple on to the ship and make his way up to it, as Squelch slides down a rope and comes to help the party.
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Autismus disengages and runs for the ship’s ladder.
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The Bulettes miss Crux, but flatten Squelch, dealing high damage; Joffrey exclaims “oh, that’s Squelch!“.
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Joffrey dodges another attack, yells for the party to close their eyes and casts Hypnotic pattern, charming the two Bulettes and Crux.
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He tells the party to be quiet and not touch them, helps Squelch up, tells Crux to give him his blunderbuss, attempting to steal it, and then slinks back towards the ship. Squelch rouses Crux, helps him back to the ship and they take off; Joffrey reluctantly returns Crux’ blunderbuss and explains away him being charmed as probably a concussion.
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The party levels up to level 7.
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Crux and Blastemoff are very happy to be reunited and are hugging and celebrating on the ship.
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Squelch is confused about waking up with everyone gone, he doesn’t know that he was mysteriously missing for 3 days and reappeared in his bed.
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Crux says that after debriefing with Blastemoff that his plans for forming a new fleet haven’t gone to plan and Blastemoff has failed to convince the few factions that he’s talked to in Doomspace to join their cause. He suggests that the party go and talk to the merchant prince Vocath, who controls the system by supplying arms to the other races, encouraging continual wars between them. He has additional sway over the other races as he helped to resettle them when their planets were destroyed by a black hole and they are indebted to him.
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The party confers between them and agrees that they need to talk to this person; Blastemoff has spent time in this system and knows that Vocath’s fortress is equidistant between three moons, and gives them the location.
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Joffrey advises caution, suggests that they stop at a waystation or some such, if there is one in the system, and ask for information on the citadel in case it isn’t safe to approach directly without authorisation etc. There is nothing on the way and the party decides to proceed with three days of travel ahead of them.
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Bubba works on training his dog, Cinnamon, and finally succeeds in teaching it to aim the crossbow attached to its disability wheelchair. Joffrey spends his time training his cat “Doubloon” and succeeds in gaining it’s trust; he also continues working on his book “The Art of Barter” and maintains his rigorous skincare beauty routines as he relaxes. Squelch attempts to get some rest, feeling tired after his mysterious ordeal and doesn’t believe the others telling him that he was missng. Autismus attempts to summon his imp that was also missing, but he is still unable to do so; He also spends some time fruitlessly praying to Dave, the Solar.
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Bubba continues to complain about Dave refusing to heal his disabled dog, and as a prank, Joffey tells him that he thinks he could help him now he’s gained some strength and casts his new spell, polymorph, turning Cinnamon into a goldfish. It flops on the deck, dies and turns back into Cinnamon and Joffrey scratches his head in mock confusion. He returns the second day, after getting his spell slot back, tells Bubba he will try again and this time turns Cinnamon into a dog that is not disabled, but instead is very sickly and exclaims that he fixed it’s legs!. After an hour the spell ends and the dog returns to its normal state. Joffrey gaslights Bubba and says that his powers must be being influenced by Dave, and Bubba agrees that it must be his fault, as Dave said it was probably part of God’s plan that Cinnamon was disabled.
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As they approach their destination, Joffrey checks in with Cpt Garglinale onboard The Last Breath, that is still being towed by their ship, The Second Wind, and finds that his ship is adequately repaired to be under it’s own power again. Joffrey suggests that The Last Breath should go on ahead of them, straight to the fortress, and justifies this as putting their best foot forward, stroking Garglinale’s ego, but secretly just wishes to avoid being killed if there are active defences.
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The Last Breath is cut loose, Bubba and Squelch decide to go aboard and join the advanced scouting expedition, and they take position two kilometres ahead of Second Wind, as they proceed to Vocath’s fortress. It comes into visual range and is a grand structure, supported by charged energy crystals that anchor it in space, with a massive dome covering a circular arena, surrounded by docks for ships, with a tower attached to the side, with a private dock for Vocaths personal fancy ship.
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Fortunately, the Last Breath arrives at the dock unchallenged and undamaged; Squelch and Bubba leave the ship, walk up the dock and approach the guards. They have a discussion with them and express that they want to meet Vocath, there is a brief moment of tension when the guards consider drawing their weapons, not liking their tone. The two of them are drawing a lot of attention as they explain that they are from planet Bitlock and are here seeking an audience with the merchant prince, but being poor negotiators mention that they have money when queried by the guards and this smooths things over. They foolishly tell them that they can pay the merchant prince a lot of money for his aid and consideration. The guards tell them that will book them a meeting for 2 hours time, but aren’t very impressed these two and suggest that they get their captain and return with lots of money. Their conversation continues for a while longer as they try and talk to them about the arena and how Vocath likes powerful creatures for their arranged fights; Squelch the goblin tries to tell the guard that he’s a creature and would like to fight, much to the guards amusement.
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The rest of the party arrive on the Second Wind and Joffrey meets with Bubba and Squelch, they explain to him that they have a meeting with Vocath and lie to him that he’s going to give them a lot of money, much to Joffrey’s glee, although he doesn’t believe that’s likely. They have a few hours to kill until the meeting and scope out the docks to see if there are any merchant ships they could pilfer, as the arena is closed and there aren’t any shops or taverns in this fortification. There don’t seem to be any ships around that are likely to have valuables, they seem to all be warships.
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They begin planning on who to take with them to this meeting and what they will say to Vocath; Squelch wants to tell him that they have the Astral Elven Princess captive, but Joffrey strongly advises against telling this potentially very powerful enemy about their extremely valuable prize, because he might take it from them by force. He then becomes suspicious and asks them why it would matter what they have, when they told him that Vocath would be giving them money. He presses them for more information about the meeting, and wants to confirm that they didn’t tell the guards that they had valuables. Squelch says no, so he asks Bubba if Squelch told them they had money to give them, and Bubba admits that he did, to Joffrey’s dismay. Joffrey says he’ll take responsibility as he did send these two idiots ahead, instead of going himself, and it’s really his fault. He explains to Squelch, like he’s a child, that Xedali is the key to stopping the Astral Elve’s super weapon, and they can’t risk anyone taking her from them.
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Squelch consults Toopla about the history of the system, she explains how it had a crystalline sphere around it in the far forgotten past to protect it during a conflict between the gods; this was destroyed and left behind giant shards orbiting the system and the sun was turned into a black hole millennia ago. Mr Gibbons onboard the ship pipes up and says that if the sun was turned into a black hole millennia ago, wouldn’t all the planets have cooled and killed everyone within days of that happening and everyone rolls their eyes. It’s explained away as magic etc and the planets are still habitable, but some are beginning to cool and be consumed by the black hole. The only one that isn’t cooling is the dragon planet that is volcanic and continues to be habitable.
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They start discussing which members of the crew to take with them to the meeting; Joffrey advises against Crux, because he feels he is useless and the others generally agree. Squelch wants to take Toopla, as she is a beautiful woman that might be distracting and advantageous in their negotiations, but Joffrey and Autismus are resistant to her coming, due to her being dim and a potential liability. Joffrey proposes taking Cpt Garglinale because he’s a fellow Tiefling, quite impressive, is handsome, looking like Joffrey, and is capable; the others agree to this. Bubba wants to take his dog, Cinnamon, with them, although it’s not clear how this would be beneficial, they agree.
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Princess Xedali calls down to them from the deck of their ship and warns them that Vocath will demand a mighty price from them, if they want his help and Joffrey winces thinking about losing money. She says they will have to have some mighty promises and Joffrey recovers, grinning and saying that he has the mightiest promises; she tells him that Vocath will make sure he follows through on them though, and he says “maybe” with a wink.
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The group head off and enter the main building, attached to the side of the tower, and there is an armory/weapons merchant in a side room. Joffrey runs his eye over their wares but it appears to be mostly mundane, generic weapons, stamped with “Anko” makers marks; nothing of interest to him.
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Joffrey briefly considers a hare-brained scheme to steal a spare spelljamming throne and try and attach it to Vocath’s fancy ship to steal it. Bubba is enthused by Autismus is sceptical and this line of intrigue doesn’t go far.
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They approach a githyanki guard and Squelch proclaims that they are there for their appointment; the guard speaks into a tattoo on the back of their wrist and motions them inside.
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Inside the tower is a 12 foot tall, blue, male that is the Mercane “Vocath” sat upon a throne, flanked by statues of himself that appear far more muscular and photogenic than he really is.
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On one side he has a Griff guard that seems in peak physical condition and what you actually imagine when you are told about griff, instead of Crux who is a disgrace.
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On the other side he has a Gith guard that is a good foot taller than the other guards and is very imposing.
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Squelch inspects the fancy armors that he has on display and starts talking shit about them, pointing out that they might be tarnished etc; Vocath has a lot of charisma and attempts to convince him that the tarnish is actually key to its magic and its powered by the tarnish, cleaning it up would actually break it. Joffrey is impressed by his bullshit prowess.
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Squelch tries to spit shine the armor and the rust immediately starts spreading, Vocath tries again to convince him that is a feature and says the armor is worth 3000gp. Joffrey does a spit-take.
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Squelch gets combative, offers him 100gp and starts arguing that his goods are inferior and tasteless; Joffrey steps in and says to ignore his step-son, he has a mental disability. Vocath says that Squelch should be kept on a leash and Joffrey agrees saying he’s not sure how he got off it and claps for Bubba, who enters with Cinammon the disabled dog.
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Joffrey gets sidetracked by his greed and starts inquiring about magical weapons and armor.
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Squelch keeps insulting vocath about his fortress and goods.
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Vocath shows them a fine suit of armor and a greatsword that appears to be made of shells worth 2500gp, Bubba tries to heft it and its light but too large for him to wield. He shows Vocath his fishing rod and fails to make him appreciate the quality of its bamboo construction.
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Squelch continues to antagonise Vocath and inquires that if there are no royalty in this system, who made him a prince ? Vocath clarifies that if you are rich enough you can make yourself a prince and Joffrey nods sagely at this advice.
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Joffrey suggests that Autismus evaluate the quality of these magical items and he has a look; he determines that the armor is a +1 suit of plate that confers fire resistance and the magic sword glows in the dark.
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Joffrey tries to haggle and fails.
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The others wander around the room examining everything, he has lots of fancy art and overt displays of wealth etc
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They finally get around to the point of their visit and talk about looking for support for their conflict against the astral elves; ask if they can contract one of the races that are subserviant to Vocath to aid them. He scoffs and says that they want to fight the astral elves “the scourge of the galaxy…” and indicates that they will be hard pressed to convince anyone to help them; they’d need a mountain of wealth.
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Vocath asks what their goal is, Squelch says bluntly that they want to kill the elves and save their planet and Joffrey mutters “that’s your goal…“. Vocath says they don’t look very strong and Joffrey says that there is more than strenght of arms, there is strength in wisdom, Squelch jibes that Vocath looks big but that’s about it, he’s unimpressed by him.
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Vocath says its a fortuitous time, he hasn’t really got anything else left in this system for him to acquire, he’s already milked most of the other races for all they have left and muses about striking out into new territories. He says that he might consider helping them in exchange for salvage rights over the elven Imperial Citadel and Squelch immediately tries to agree while Joffrey tells him to be quiet, they can’t risk giving Vocath the Citadel when it contains the elves super weapon that can destroy planets.
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They’re interrupted by Vocath saying they dont appear strong enough to be worth helping however, and says they will need to prove themselves in the arena by winning 3 rounds, before immediately casting a spell to teleport them all directly there. Autismus manages to resist the spell, everyone else disappears, but then Vocath recasts the spell and gets rid of Autismus as well, who can’t think of anything funny to do before he goes.
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They all appear on the dirt floor of the grand arena that has boulders, broken armor and weapons strewn around, it has high cut stone walls with grand stands filled with spectators awaiting the start of the show. There is a large, glass dome over the top of the arena.
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Vocath appears on a throne, in a private box above the arena, behind a forcefield.
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He says that they will need to impress him and begins preparations for the iminent start of the first bout.
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Joffrey casts polymorph on Bubba and somehow turns him into a Bulette, although it seems that shouldn’t be possible.
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Squelch casts shield of faith on himself and the others spread out, ready for the first enemies to enter.
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Vocath addresses the crowd and starts the first round; underneath his booth there is a massive mirror that glints magically, and from it come 2 giants with 4 arms that drop into the arena.
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Bubba and Squelch leap into action and start attacking one giant each, Joffrey heroically grabs Cinammon and retreats to the back wall of the arena to defend the poor dog and maintain concentration on his polymorph spell.
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Bubba in Bulette form takes a lot of damage from the first giant from it’s 4 attacks per turn, before being lifted up and resisting its attempt to pull him in half. Autismus hit by a hurled boulder from the second giant, also quite injured. Squelch is largely successful in dodging and blocking, Garglinale supports him from range and Joffrey works on healing Autismus and keeping him alive.
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They manage to defeat the giants without too much trouble, Bubba attempts to throw one of the corpses up at Vocath’s booth and it slides off the forcefield. Joffrey creates magical fireworks and Squelch bellows “are you not entertained!?” to the crowd.
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Vocath announces that it’s now time for the crowd favourite, Brutus, who is a Braxat (huge rancor/rhino creature) that descends from the magic mirror.
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Joffrey carries the dog like a football and retreats as far as he can within the bounds of the arena, continuing his previous strategy.
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Autismus uses his legendary staff lightning spell daily power and does a decent amount of damage to Brutus.
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Squelch, Garglinale and Bubba crowd around Brutus and chip him down quite quickly with good roles and flank attacks; Autismus finishes him off with a Chromatic Orb. The round ends very quickly and the crowd are starting to become impressed, and Joffrey sends up more fireworks.
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Vocath says its time for “The terror of Doomspace, Queen Gorma”, clicks his fingers and a big space guppy teleports into the arena; the crowd gasp, then start laughing at it.
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The party gets ready to fight this seemingly useless fish and begin crowding it, then the mirror flashes again and a giant, 150ft long coiled centipede appears, swallowing it immediately.
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The fight its pretty ugly, Queen Gorma does tremendous amounts of damage and poisons her targets, progressively uncoiling and taking up more of the arena. Bubba loses his Bulette form as it loses the last of its health, turns back into his usual halfling self.
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Joffrey and Autismus continually retreat around the arena, but are eventually caught by the unwinding head; Cinammon is killed after taking many times it’s maximum health in damage, and Joffrey also goes down after healing a near-death Autismus.
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Autismus does tremendous damage with a lightning bolt, somehow hitting multiple segments of its body that were lined up, with one spell. He then casts a firey chromatic orb as well, with hastened casting, finishing it off and causing the crowd to go wild.
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Vocath is about to address the arena but is distracted, looking up at the dome, just as it shatters from a giant Solar Dragon crashing through it, being ridden by an astral elf in impeccable armor with a massive spear.
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Through the dome they can see that a number of star moths have appeared in the surrounding space, signallig the arrival of an astral elf fleet.
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The dragon lands on the arena floor and the session ends on a cliffhanger with the party badly injured, Joffrey unconscious and Cinammon unfortunately dead.